In today’s post I will be a bit of a devil’s advocate but please be sure to read until the end. I am not referring to narcissists in general places like the workplace, but rather narcissists who are closer to you, like a partner or family member.
Kicking a narcissist to the curb can be an amazing feeling! Escaping their toxic grasp and control can bring unspeakable relief. But, what about the narcissist? How do they deal with being discarded or abandoned? Should we care?
Well, it all depends. It depends on how much you have suffered or lost at the hands of the narcissist. There are different levels of narcissism. It’s a fact that some narcissists cause more damage than others. Although they are inherently evil due to their spiritual possession, some narcissists are more aware or in control than others.
I strongly believe that narcissists get progressively worse based on not just age but their experiences. Narcissists get hurt too and every time they get hurt they strengthen their defence mechanisms. They become colder and darker, the spiritual entity strengthens its hold and the narcissist becomes more dangerous.
When a narcissist is abandoned this reopens a very deep and hurtful wound. Their ego is not just bruised, it has been trampled and the narcissist is left gasping for air. They are first left dumbfounded by it all, somewhat in shock as they didn’t expect it. They explore all the whys, whos and whats. In their deluded minds they don’t understand how you can leave someone so ‘perfect’. How could you think that you could live without them? The narcissist convinces themself that you will be nothing without them. That you have made the biggest mistake of your life. But in all honesty, it has made them feel like scum and they mull over it for some time. All the while the entity is filling their minds with not only thoughts of worthlessness but revenge.
The demonic entity that the narcissist hosts, loves it when the narcissist is hurt because it is allowed to feed and strengthen itself off the pain and brokenness of the narcissist. When a narcissist re-emerges from this terrible down-time (without proper treatment) they are more dangerous than before.
They will employ flying monkeys to find out about you. They will become obsessed with you. The narcissist will want revenge. The narcissist will be smearing your name, pretending to move on and hunting for the next victim all at the same time. The narcissist is on the prowl for a new supply who will probably end up paying for what you did.
I want to bring this out because people are advising to just run or ghost the narcissist but this has a very negative effect on the narcisist and makes them more dangerous for the next innocent victim. I would advise to leave a letter or send a text explaining why you are leaving and making it clear that you know they are a narcissist and they need help. So, yes pack your bags and prepare to go no-contact but at least leave a message or note to explain why.
Yes they will use it against you somehow and it will still hurt them but you’ve given them something to work with. Something to pick apart and project back onto you (even though you won’t be around to hear it) instead of their minds going into a hundred directions trying to figure out what happened. We already know that they overthink obsessively. So just ghosting them can drive them insane. Some narcissists may even consider what you’ve said and attempt to get help. You never know!
I know for some people they would love the narcissist to suffer because of what they’ve put them through and the time they’ve taken from them. But I’m saying “spare a thought for the next person who will cross the narcissist”.
The entity wants the narcissist to get hurt. The entity wants everyone to abandon the narcissist because then it knows that it will be strengthened off the hurt and pain of the narcissist. The entity wants full control of the narcissist and every time a narcissist is abandoned that makes it more powerful.
Self-proclaimed narcissists like Sam Vankin who has surrendered to the darkness are encouraging non-narcissists to abandon the narcissists in their lives. Doesn’t anyone find that strange…? Many low-level narcissists are being abandoned and becoming worse as a result of their partners or family members just discarding them.
I will admit that some narcissists are too far gone but there are many who still have hope and the growing consensus is just to RUN! Abandon them all, discard them all, but by doing that we are only making a bad situation worse.
I am not saying to stick around and try to change them but it won’t hurt to call them out on their Crap and point them in the right direction.
But also, the narcissist doesn’t care what happens to us when they discard us; so why should we care about them and what they do? Narcissists will continue to hurt people in spite of, but as to how far they go can depend on how we treated them.
14 thoughts on “What Happens When You Abandon The Narcissist”
I agree that telling them what they do wrong may result in some benefit.
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Thank you for stopping by.
I also think the narcissists should be informed of their behavior and perhaps at arms length. I feel that some of the childlike behavior can be addressed age appropriately by addressing particular behavior the same you would address a child the age he or she is acting.
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I did tell my friend why I am blocking him. This was for the sake of friendship and for whatever little things he did for me.
In your blog, you have mentioned sex being the only connection, but sorry to say , that never happened between us. Emotional attachment was enough to cause trauma bond.
Thanks for your comment. I think your comment was meant for my other post about ‘Breaking the Narcissist’s Trauma Bond? (https://clariceonnarcissism.com/2020/11/15/breaking-the-narcissists-trauma-bond/). I did not say that sex is the only way to have a connection or form a bond. I said it would only solidify it. I clearly stated that there are different ways to form a bond, like through friendships and having shared beliefs and experiences, just to name a few.
The narc in my life is a parent that terrorized me (scapegoat here). I get the dilema of not making it worse….however this was a parent that could hear no wrong. Pointing out that they did something wrong lands you in hot waters. My empathy would not allow me to just walk away (only child) so i keep a safe distance (thank you nursing home). How do you point it out to them in this situation? It was a soul draining experience and I would rather not go there.
You can’t. It will never go down well. Expect to be emotionally drained.
Telling the a true narcissist the reasons why you are leaving her/him will only teach them how to avoid the same mistakes with a new victim. It won’t make the next abuse less severe because regardless of your reasons to leave, what matters to them is that you left (not your reasons), and that alone caused the wound to reopen. Therefore the next victim will get the next level of abuse regardless, added now to the new knowledge that you gladly handled them about the mistakes they made to lose you.
Leave and leave quietly. No letter will stop what comes next. My own experience.
Thanks for commenting. The truths that I for example would tell the Narcissist are things that they cannot change unless they change themselves. Telling them that they are a liar, a manipulator, an abuser etc. What that will do is highlight to them that you see them exactly for what they are. This targets the shame within them and troubles them deeply (which can sometimes lead to them working on themselves, even if it doesn’t last). Abandoning someone, cold turkey just seems very harsh to me. No matter who the person is and can cause more damage and distress. Narcissists do not give closure but it doesn’t mean that we should do the same.
Alternatively, we could get more people to know the traits of the narcissists and the damages they can inflict on others, ……..create a society in which it is difficult for narcissists to find victims.
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I love that answer.
Thanks Clarice you are the first person I met who speaks about the spiritual aspects of narc, and you are very serious about this.
Is it really possible to cure a narc? Are they not completely impossible to bring to thrue change process or salvation? Have they ever met Christ even if they would been well educated in biblical knowledge?
Perhaps you do not mix faith and psycology, if so I understand you are able to give feedback anyhow.
I know a narc can be dangerous, that is why I am not sure if they can be confronted directly. Please give methods to progress in a secure way.
In all honesty, I don’t think it is our responsibility to try and change them. We can let them know what they are, which is sure to cause a Narcissistic Injury, and leave it there. God is the only one who can present the right circumstances that can cause a Narcissist to fall to their knees. He is the only one who can remove the scales from their eyes for them to see the error of their ways.
They are going to get worse period…with or without their supply abandoning them. You don’t owe them an explanation, you don’t owe them “something to work with” because they don’t care to look at themselves to begin with. Giving them anything is leaving an open door for more abuse. Trying to reason with the devil does nothing but make it worse for you. You want to believe you are doing them a favor by giving them your reason for leaving, but you’re not. You’re expecting them to self-reflect which they cannot and will not. They abuse they inflict gives them pleasure, always remember that.