Too many people are struggling with moving on from a Narcissist. They are literally bonded and can’t seem to break free. Some think it’s because of the great sex, or that the person was a ‘proper bombshell’. What really keeps them longing for the Narcissist?
First of all:
What does it mean, to bond with someone? According to the Collins Dictionary it is:
A strong feeling of friendship, love, or shared beliefs and experiences that unites them.
So we see, that a bond is usually something positive but when it’s a Trauma bond it’s basically being bonded with an abuser, where you feel connected to this person even though they hurt and abuse you. There is a perpetual cycle of abuse but something is preventing you from letting go of this person or moving on.
Why does the Trauma Bond happen with a Narcissist?It all begins with the positive bonding…
The bonding with a narcissist happens during the love-bombing phase when they present you with an idealistic, almost perfect love life. You seem to share with the Narcissist similar traits and beliefs and it just seems perfect. It is an experience that is too good to be true and it is. It is in that time span, when the Narcissist gets you to fall in love with a person that doesn’t really exist. But, your idea of who the Narcissist is, is formed during this time. You become bonded with a fantasy character but you don’t know it. The bond is solidified when you have sexual relations with this Narcissist. Sex is a consumation not just of two physical bodies but of two spirits. You become one with the narcissist and a bit of their spiritual essence is spilt into you.
Time passes, the relationship changes. There is abuse, be it psychological, verbal or physical. There is also a toxic cycle of highs and lows, where there are days when the narcissist acts like they did during the love-bombing phase. But the darker times come, that quickly overshadow the good-times and the cycle continues.
This is where the problem lies:
The victim believes the person they fell in love with is real and once they keep believing that they vainly hope for change. They long for the good old days. They long for the person who swept them off their feet. Not wanting to let go, in fear that they would never experience the love like what they did with anyone else. Afterall, the narcissist made them feel like they were soulmates, that there bond was an eternal one.
Even if they are able to break away from the relationship and the Narcissist, unless they are able to come to terms with what really happend, it will be difficult to move on. Because part of them is still connected to the Narcissist. So, although they maybe physically removed from the situation, spiritually, there is still a connection that needs to be broken.
The Fight begins in the Mind.Change begins in the mind. If you can get your mind right then your spirit will align itself.
There has to be some reflection and acceptance. Recognising that abuse is not love. Recognising that you were fooled into loving someone who doesn’t love you. Accepting that the Narcissist is a manipulator, a deceiver, an abuser and that the person they pretended to be, was just the bait to catch you. Also, realising that if it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else. These are thoughts that need to be straigtened out in your mind and then these thoughts will feed your spirit. Only then can you truly cleanse your mind, body and spirit and break the bond. Your spirit will then reject that bit of the Narcissist that contaminated your soul, and then you will be free.
No longer walking about in a trance with your eyes wide shut, but fully aware of the evil that you were once entangled with.
Breaking the Narcissist’s Trauma Bond is Possible!