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The Depraved Narcissist

Narcissists have no moral values! Inspite of the squeaky, clean image they present or how innocent they behave, do not be fooled. You cannot put anything past a Narcissist. So, even though they may tick all the boxes of a good and loyal citizen you can be sure they have some hidden dark obsession or down right perversion that they hide.

Narcissists hate everyone and their aim is to defile as many people as possible, especially those closest them.

Narcissists are prone to be sexually immoral; avid cheaters and adulterers, as they are only loyal to themselves and their own wants and desires.

The dark entity that the Narcissist hosts wants to destroy them as much as everyone else. As a result Narcissists are likely to be addicts; addicted to something that either destroys their body or their mind. Being involved with a Narcissist changes us. If we are not careful they can seduce or persuade us into doing things that we had vowed never to do. This is why you have to be careful what you tell a Narcissist, otherwise they will try and find a way to make you eat your words, which will fill them with immense gratification.

The Narcissist enjoys persuading others to do things against their will. They feel powerful knowing that they can get someone to do something they would not usually do. Giving your time and life to a Narcissist is one of the worst mistakes anyone can make because Narcissists do not value anyone, they just want to destroy as many people as they can. It is usually a slow mental destruction, which goes on to break us down physically and spiritually.

Narcissists should be avoided like a plague, wherever possible. Their fake personalities and endless lies are not worth entertaining. The Narcissist only aim is to destroy others. They want to break us mentally, physically and spiritually. Narcissists do not know what love is they only know how to control.

Narcissists are dirty, depraved and dark. They seek out innocent victims and lure them into a trap where they can isolate, control and abuse them. They seek to destroy and make us doubt our mental capabilities by making us feel as though we are the crazy ones and the cause of all their problems. It takes a sick, twisted and perverted mind to do this and think nothing of it.

No one is safe from a Narcissist because they will exploit anyone in their path and use and abuse them whichever way they can. The holier than thou, pretentious character that some of them play up to, is a far cry from who or what they really are.

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IS EVERYONE NARCISSISTIC

DOES EVERYONE HAVE SOME NARCISSISM?

There has been a lot of misinformation, going around to counteract the spreading awareness of Narcissism, that is on the rise in our society.

I keep hearing the following statements:

‘Everyone have some narcissism’ or their is ‘healthy narcissism’.

Let’s first look at a few definitions of narcissism:

1 – Excessive self-involvement, vanity, egocentricism and lack of regard to others.

2 – Pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one’s own body or self.

3 – Total self-absorption, a need for gratification without regard or concern for others.

Narcissists are the ones with Narcissism but it is being pushed on the masses. Yes, it is true that many people are more self-absorbed today, thanks to social media and the media in general, but not everyone (myself included). We live in a time where people are encouraged to be narcissistic and it’s sometimes hard to differentiate between somone who is just a little narcissistic to being a full blown narcissist. I believe all this is intentional. The lines have been blurred to make it easier for people to accept this new mantra that everyone is a narcissist or everyone has a bit of narcissism in them.

Educated narcissists are the ones pushing this misinformation and the masses are just lapping it up. It doesn’t matter how many degrees these narcissists have, we need to remember that they are still narcissists. They are still delusional, pathological liars who are trying to sway the unsuspecting to their dark side.

From the definitions of Narcissism given above; where is there room for narcissism to be healthy? The root of Narcissism is evil and sick why try and put a positive spin on it and say there is Healthy Narcissism.

It’s one thing to care about your appearance and another to be constantly obsessed with it. A decent person would want to be clean and presentable when they are going out; so how can someone turn around and tell them they are being narcissistic. The Narcissism comes when their appearance becomes an obsession: where they are constantly checking themselves in the mirror (taking selfies) or their general commitment to looking good or presenting a certain image becomes excessive.

The problem in today’s society is that too many people are filled with vanity. Being vain (which is a narcissistic trait), is the issue. According to the Cambridge dictionary ‘Vain’ is being too interested in your appearance or achievements. Having too much vanity can lead to other problems such as selfishness, materialism and not having deep and meaningful relationships. Money, looks, material possessions and who you know are very shallow things to base your life around but to a vain person they are everything.

MY RESULTS TO A ‘HOW VAIN ARE YOU’ QUIZ

Someone who has a few narcissistic traits, can go on to become a full blown narcissist with narcissism. Bu,t as I’ve demonstrated many people are not actually narcissists they are just vain. But the intention of the powers that be is that they do become full blown narcissists. They hope that the Spirit of Narcissism will take over the population.

Narcissism is all about oneself, with no regard to others. Narcissism is a lack of empathy. Many people who have picked up a few narcissistic traits still have empathy and still care deeply for others.

Narcissism should be reserved for Narcissists and we should not be too quick to take upon ourselves this attribute.

Now, we are left with the task of weeding the non-narcissists out of the bunch. A clear differentiation is needed to separate the narcissistic (having a few narcissistic traits) from the narcissists. What a lot of people need to work on, so as to not appear narcissistic is; Stop being so VAIN!

To conclude, there are many people who exhibit some narcissistic traits but they are not narcissists. Narcissism is a quality of narcissists and I believe that the Cluster b sect, sociopaths and psychopaths are all narcissists. They all have narcissism as their foundation.

There is no such thing as Healthy Narcissism. Narcissism is for Narcissists not ME!

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The Benefits of Being a Narcissist

Are there benefits to being a narcissist? What good does it serve the narcissist to be the way they are?

I have talked a lot about the troubles or woes that a narcissist endures but there is something that keeps the narcissist trapped and in denial to what is really happening in them and to them.

Have you heard of people selling their souls or making deals with the devil? Well, with the narcissist it is very similar to that.

Many narcissists are very successful, they tend to be the ones who are promoted for positions and power. They are the politicians, motivational and public speakers, pastors, C.E.Os, doctors, lawyers, managers, teachers, trainers. But they can also be successful in blue collar jobs as well but the point is, that the narcissist tends to live a life that is worth envying (at least from the outside).

This happens because narcissists are a host to a very dark entity, and for being a host the narcissist is given, what we call, the Gift of Gab, which is: the ability to speak easily and confidently in a way that makes people want to listen to you and believe you.

With this gift and their unhealthy desire to compete and beat everyone around them, the narcissist is able to charm and persuade their way through life getting what they want. This ability makes up for the lack of empathy as the narcissist is able to convince and influence with only their words. Every interview and conversation is a breeze and the narcissist realises very early on this ‘power’ that they now have which draws people and success into their lives.

Many narcissists know that they have this gift and they use it to benefit themselves while destroying the lives of people around them. Narcissists love to gossip, lie and gaslight. They sow seeds of discord to cause arguements and division. They use their tongue to wreak havoc in people’s lives through smear campaigns. They persuade their exes to take them back despite any previous hurt they had caused. They seduce and flirt with whoever they fancy. They break people with their words. Their Gift of Gab is used only to benefit them.

Their gift, to speak the right words, at the right time has something else more sinister at work. When a narcissist is conversing with the intent to persuade or achieve something, it’s almost like they are putting the recipient under a spell. Words are very powerful in their own right but the narcissist has an extra demonic force at work that leaves the hearer almost captivated or entranced. As a result they are open to believing what the narcisisst is saying or open to grant the request of the narcissist.

This is a topic I have covered in a YouTube Video just released today. It is called The Dangers of Conversing With A Narcissist.

Narcissists are given a gift in exchange for their co-operation with the dark side and that is the Gift of Gab. But because of the success a narcissist sees in their life, they tend to attribute it to God or a higher power, if they are religious (and many tend to be). And therefore think that God must be pleased with them because of all the blessings that they are receiving or for how favoured they are. This is the ultimate deception with the narcissist. The source of their success comes from a much darker place but this denial keeps them trapped and their success makes them unwilling to change anything about their lives.

Many who have been hurt by a narcissist have questioned; When is the narcissist going to be punished? When will they get their Karma? They ask this, because as far as they are concerned, the narcissist carries on to be successful and happy. What they don’t understand is, that appearance of success and happiness is and will always be the narcissist’s downfall because their soul is lost. In exchange for worldly success they are being eaten alive and they don’t even know it. They are blinded! But, when the scales are removed from their eyes and all the people who at one time genuinely cared for them can no longer be found. Then, the darkness will reveal itself and claim what is rightfully theirs.

Narcissists are deluded into thinking that their actions will go unpunished! They are foolish to think that they can destroy so many lives and not suffer any loss.

So, although the narcissist has a temporal reward and seem to be living it up and living it well; is it worth it to gain the whole world and lose your soul? I think not!

The moral of this post is not to envy or be jealous of people who are successful because you do not know the price that they have paid to get what they have. Also, don’t believe that because someone appears to have a good life mean they actually do.

NOT EVERYTHING THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD.

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How Are Narcissists Made?

So now you know who or what a narcissist is, your next question maybe: But how do they get this way? How does someone become a narcissist? Well, narcissists are everywhere. They are in the schools, the churches, the work place and every social organisation there is. We also have many people walking around who do not have the Narcissistic Personality Disorder but have narcissistic traits. Narcissism is becoming an everyday thing that many people have to deal with in different areas of their lives.

I believe that there are 3 different ways in which someone can become a narcissist. It’s either the result of child abuse, inherited or learnt. I believe children can be narcissists as well but doctors refuse to diagnose them with NPD until they are young adults which is unfortunate because by then it’s too late to do much with them. The narcissism is no longer a seed but a full grown tree!

Child Abuse Creates Narcissists

It All Begins In Childhood

Not all children who are abused become narcissists but many do! For those that do, narcissism is something that begins in childhood as a coping mechanism to deal with abuse, neglect or abandonment. The child creates an alter ego that they think is better and separate from who they really are. They tell a lot of lies to push aside the reality of what they are actually going through and cover up the wounded child inside. They don’t just lie to others, they lie to themselves. They try to bury the pain and hurt deep inside. As the child grows these behaviours are perfected and embedded into their personality. Who they really are or were is replaced by this alter ego which has become their mask to the world. Children are very susceptible to spiritual attacks as well and the abuse makes them ten times more susceptible. I believe that’s when an entity would enter and start directing their thoughts and that’s why the pattern for these narcissists are always the same. These entities are from the same demonic source.

Narcissism Can Be Inherited

Silhouette of pregnant woman in her bedroom

My second theory is that some people are born narcissists. This is due to the spiritual element of narcissism that I believe in. Narcissism is like a generational curse that can be passed down from one generation to the next. So even if that child had to be put up for adoption to parents who are not narcissists if any of their biological parents were narcissists that child can still end up being a fully blown narcissist.

Generational curses sometimes skip a generation or does not affect every descendent. So if a narcissist has 3 children at least one is guaranteed to be a narcissist. The demonic entities never die and they are always looking for a host and for them it’s easier to stay within a family where they know they have already had success. So, for some people out there I believe they are simply born narcissists.

Narcissism Can Be Learnt

My final theory is that narcissism can be learnt. It’s a learned behaviour for some narcissists. This happens especially with children who have a parent who is a Covert Narcissist. Many of these children did not suffer any physical or verbal abuse but usually that of the insidious nature. Covert Narcissistic mothers tend to teach their children narcissism without even realising and that doesn’t include the simple fact that children look up to their parents, as their first examples as to how they should conduct themselves. So Yes, just like that they pick up their narcissistic behaviours and mannerisms. They learn that outside the home they have to wear a mask. The learn to gas-light, manipulate and lie profusely. They learn to shift blame and never take accountability for when things go wrong. They learn to hold grudges and never forgive. They learn to fake emotions. They become what that narcissistic parent wants them to be. What that child doesn’t know is that they are picking up more than toxic behaviours, they are opening up themselves to a demonic entity who thrives in a narcissistic mind.

Some people are co-dependants meaning they depend heavily on others to validate them. They look to others to decide how they should be as a person. Children who are this way will do whatever is necessary to please that parent; but what if that parent is a narcissist? These types of children are likely to become the golden child who the narcissistic parent dotes about as they are so eager to please them. As a result, the baton of narcissism is usually past to this co-dependent golden child.

This can happen not only to children but a co-dependent adult who is in a relationship with a narcissist. They take on the toxic behaviours of their spouse/partner a lot easier than someone who is not a co-dependent. They can go from just developing a few narcissistic traits to becoming full blown narcissists depending on how long they stay in a relationship with a narcissist. I call these types of narcissists Co-dependent narcissists. They can become narcissists as children or as adults it all comes down to exposure.

Where Does The Covert Narcissist’s Shame Come From?

Narcissists have a lot of pent up shame. Under that flashy image and fake smile is someone who feels worthless, ugly, unloveable and ashamed.

But where does this shame come from?

Enquiring minds want to know.

Narcissists are made in different ways. Not all Narcissists had a traumatic childhood of abuse and abandonment. For some Narcissists they may have inherited the Narcissism from their parent without even having spent a day with that parent. Narcissism can also be learnt. No matter which way a Narcissist is formed it is the Spirit of Narcissism that attaches themselves to them that make them all the same.

If you don’t know by now, I believe Narcissists are demonically possessed. The Evil Entity that resides within the Narcissist comes with a few gifts and burdens. But the burdens out weigh the gifts. And the Covert Narcissist’s True Self becomes more of a reflection of the Evil Entity that possesses them. Basically, the person in which the Spirit of Narcissism resides becomes more or less what the Spririt of Narcissism itself it is. For example: Narcissists are negative balls of energy because that is what the Spirit of Narcissism is. A big ball of negative energy. The Evil Entity hates people; so the Narcissist hates people. The Evil Entity controls the Narcissist, so the Narcissist tries to control others. The Evil Entity feeds lies to the Narcissist and the Narcissist lies to others. The Evil Entity makes the Narcissist feel worthless and miserable and the Narcissist in turn makes others feel worthless and miserable.

Narcissists make people’s lives miserable because The Evil Entity makes their life miserable. And this is where the Shame comes into it. That same negative, Evil Entity makes the Narcissist feel like they are worthless. It makes them feel that they are nothing, and nothing they do will ever be enough. This Evil Entity influences the Narcissist to do things that they are later ashamed of and prefer to forget. The Evil Entity is like an internal black-mailer who taunts and oppresses the Narcissist every chance it gets. The Narcissist only gets relief when they themselves are inflicting pain on others, as the darkness within them feeds off of the hurt and suffering of others including the Narcissist.

But when the Narcissist is able to hurt you and break you it makes them feel good because the Evil Entity feels good and praises their efforts. Your pain gives the Narcissist relief from their inner torment. They themselves do not seem to realise or want to accept that they are not alone in their heads. And that the shame they feel for their True Self is a result of the foreign entity that has taken them over and controls and assaults their mind and spirit.

Therefore, they see their True Self , which is sadistic, dark and miserable as something to hide from the world. They know they ain’t right! The know their wicked behaviours are not acceptable but instead of admitting and owning up to this imperfection they prefer to keep it hidden. They prefer to wear a mask and cultivate a fake image and made-up persona to fit in and develop relationships.

The Narcissist’s Shame will remain as long as they remain a Narcissist. The Evil Entity will not give them any peace and will keep them feeling worthless and miserable. The Evil Entity will also continue to drive them to do things they are ashamed of to add to their existing shame. It’s a never-ending cycle to keep the Narcissist in a loop of frutration that they cannot escape.

What You Need To Know About The Self-Aware Narcissist

The awareness and understanding of Narcissists and Narcissism is more prevalent than ever. So, these terms have become mainstream and are being used more and more every day. As a result, Narcissists are being exposed, which has led to some of them hitting Rock Bottom and seeking change.

There are only a few things that can drive a Narcissist to this point of wanting change and it usually involves their world falling apart. Whether it’s the loss of a major source of supply, imprisonment or bankruptcy; these are the types of life altering events that tend to drive a Narcissist to seek change.

But the ‘Help’ that they choose can make this situation of dealing with Narcissists even more complicated. Because it all comes down to whether it is viewed only as a Mental Illness or an Illness of the Soul as well.

And as some people argue, that it is just a Mental Illness, the number 1. recommendation is usually to get therapy. But even therapy has its limits and cannot cure a Narcissist. What therapy does is make a Narcissist aware of who they are and the traits that they have that are deemed dangerous or harmful to others, or those closest to them. So, in this instance the Narcissist has a choice: they can choose to work to change those negative traits or use the knowledge they’ve received to refine their craft.

And because I believe Narcissism is more than a Mental Illness, I strongly do not believe that the Evil Entity that possesses them will let go of them so easy. Instead, it will deceive them into thinking that their traits, that are deemed hurtful and negative, are not. It will convince them that these traits protect them and that others do not understand. These are the types of thoughts that will be fed to the Narcissist to feed their ego and validate their pride and superiority. Because unless the Narcissist is aware that there is a spiritual element at work that wants to keep them bound, there will be no healing or deliverance.

Therefore, An Aware Narcissist does not mean a better Narcissist; as Empathy is still missing from the equation. Because when these Evil Entities possess someone, the first thing that is turned off, is Empathy. And without genuine Empathy an Aware Narcissist is now capable of manipulating people and situations better than before.

Their hearts are still dark and their spirits are still tainted by the malevolent force that controls them. Therapy is nothing more than a band-aid that doesn’t address the root problem. Instead, it aids the Narcissist to create another mask. A mask, that deceives others into thinking that they are changed or changing. A mask, that allows them to receive further empathy. A mask that allows them to hide the lower depths to which they have just sunk.

With this new found information and acceptance, which should be a driving force for change, many Narcissists choose to deal with it in one of two ways. They can either keep it to themselves or publicise it. Those that keep it to themselves are still dealing with issues of fear and shame. Whereas those who publicise it have embraced the evil with in and are no longer ashamed or fearful. The latter is what we should be more concerned about as they may have just crossed over from just being a Narcissist to a Narcissistic Psychopath.

This is something I have always thought possible. And that is why I say many/all Psychopaths are Narcissists but not all Narcissists are Psychopaths (at least not yet). Basically, I see the Publicised Aware Narcissist the same way as I view a Narcissistic Psychopath. They are both aware and unashamed of their Narcissistic Tendencies and use them to benefit themselves and master others.

Many people continue to be drawn to these so called Aware Narcissists mainly because of their magnetic charm and hopes that they will reveal more about Narcissists than a victim of Narcissistic abuse could. But they are not realising, that in purposefully listening to a Narcissist it weakens their defences against future Narcissists. And above all, Narcissists are still pathological liars whether they are aware of their behaviours or not.

To conclude, many Narcissists in therapy will try to change but that change is usually only temporary until their life is back on track. And it’s because they never dealt with the source of the problem. So many regress back into their old habits and some just learn to stay under the radar.

Narcissists are evolving! The awareness of Narcissists and Narcissism is creating a new breed of Narcissists. But do not be deceived! Because a Narcissist is in therapy, it does not mean that will make them better. You still need to tread carefully. A Narcissist needs their mind, body and spirit cleansed, in order for them to be whole again.

Seeing a therapist alone will not change them but instead awaken them to a deeper level of deception.

Narcissists are still humans, but they have been taken over by an Evil Entity. Therefore their mission, while possessed is to kill, steal and destroy whoever they can. Therefore, the aim should be to rid them of that Entity, which then would reignite their Empathy, then and only then will therapy be beneficial.There are many ways to get rid of these negative energies. Many cultures and religions have their different ways. This is something I will get into in a later post.

But remember to, Beware of all Narcissists including the Self-Aware Narcissist, who are even more dangerous than a Narcissist, who doesn’t know or accepted that they are a Narcissist. Also, I do believe a Narcissist can change but Psycho-Therapy alone is not the answer.

The Double Life of Narcissists

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Today’s post is written by Jenny Tamasi, who is a registered psychologist and author of, The Psychologist & Her Narcissists: A Guide To Surviving Toxic Relationships.

How did I not know about the Narcissist’s Double life?

Living two, three, four, or more lives is typical for many Narcissists. It truly is amazing how they can compartmentalize and keep everything straight for so long.  Many do get caught, but they tend not to learn their lessons and just pick up a few more lives next time around. Finding out that you are in a relationship with someone who has another wife, girlfriend, family, or identity is devastating. I have been here twice and each time discovering the level of deceit and duplicity of my former partners was extremely shocking and painful.

Let’s start off by having a look at why a Narcissist does this. First of all, they lack empathy. They think of themselves and their needs first. They do not feel guilt or sadness when they are betraying a partner. Also, they do know that what they are doing is wrong, they just do not care. How can they be so cold? Well, many Narcissists lack object consistency. This means if you are out of sight, you are out of their mind. When they are with you, they can make you believe that you are the center of their world but once they are not in close proximity to you, they don’t really care about you or your feelings.

Remember some experts consider Narcissism to be associated with attachment disorders. Narcissists struggle with intimacy, loyalty, and connection and do not attach in relationships in a healthy way. They can put on a great show and make you think that they are in love with you, but their feelings for you are likely very superficial and fleeting. I know this stings because they really do convince us their intentions are pure.

Narcissists are also excellent at compartmentalizing their lives and easily place individuals in boxes that meet their needs. Plus, Narcissists fear boredom and are excitement seekers, I personally think that they like to play a “catch me if you can” game and get off on pushing the limits to see how much they can get away with. And to top it all off, Narcissists need supply, an external source of attention and validation, and always having the same source of supply is dull to them.

Unfortunately, all of these negative traits line up nicely with living multiple lives. Narcissists get a rush, excitement, attention and usually a lot of extra things that they are seeking with their multiple lives; like housing, money, gifts, sex, attention, vacations and the list can just go on and on. I can barely manage my life and one dog. So, I cannot imagine how anyone would want to have multiple personas and relationships! It just seems like so much work and energy! I also crave stability and security, and these are two traits that Narcissists do not value one bit. The desire to lead a double life is just not in my nature (or in the nature of any other decent human being).

My two Narcissists both had double lives. One, a physician who was jet setting around the world and impregnated a woman behind my back and the other a police officer, who had multiple girlfriends all living in the same town as myself, but I didn’t discover for years. How didn’t I know? And how did this happen to me twice? Well, there is a saying that deep down inside women always know when they are being betrayed.

I think most people suspect something fishy when they are being lied to over and over again, it is just hard to put your finger on it. This is your brain and body’s natural inclination to protect you. I didn’t listen to my intuition. I did feel that something was off or that at times their explanations didn’t make sense, but I was trying to be my “people pleasing self”, not make any waves, and tuned out that feeling in my gut. I also rationalized their behaviors and decided to live in denial and just focus on the good stuff. These decisions were all big mistakes!  Always listen to your gut Guys and Gals and be honest with yourself about what is going on in your relationship. Even if you have to admit things that may end the relationship, make sure you are checking in with yourself about what you are observing and feeling.

 I think another reason I was easily fooled by my ex Narcissists was because I would never ever do something like live a double life. I have too much empathy and would be haunted by guilt and anxiety.  I would hate the feeling of always looking over my shoulder or being afraid of getting caught but most of all I wouldn’t want to hurt and disappoint my partner or ruin my relationship. I like to think most healthy people feel the same way. But, Narcissists are not healthy people!

It is easy to feel embarrassed and to beat yourself up if your Narcissist was living multiple lives.  Remember, they are the ones who should feel embarrassed for their selfish actions, do not put that on yourself.  When someone manipulates, lies and deceives you that is on them, always. If you didn’t have experience with a “double lifer” previously and if you are an honest person with values, you would never anticipate that someone would behave this way.  This does not mean that you are stupid or that any of their behavior is your fault.

 Hey, I had two Narcissists who lived multiple lives and I’m a psychologist. It really can happen to anyone. The good news is that, now you know that there are people out there who have double lives and double identities, you know to pay attention to your intuition, and you know to look out for red flags. These exploitative and manipulative people are very dangerous in interpersonal relationships. Once you discover the double life of a Narcissist, it is time to develop an exit plan ASAP. I know it is tough, but you are strong and you will be better off in the long run.

Sending you lots of love,

Jenny Tamasi, Survivor and Author of The Psychologist & Her Narcissists A Guide to Surviving Toxic Relationships

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The Relation Between Addicts & Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse

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Today’s post is written by Jenny Tamasi, who is a registered psychologist and author of, The Psychologist & Her Narcissists: A Guide To Surviving Toxic Relationships.

What do Addicts and Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse have in Common?

This is a question I think about often because I have clients who struggle with addictions and I can really relate to some of the experiences that have been shared with me in my office.  In my humble opinion as a therapist there actually are quite a bit of similarities between us survivors and individuals suffering from addictions. At the very least I have seen them in myself.  Let me try to explain what I mean here. If you have ever been with an addict when they need their next hit or are in withdrawal you can almost feel their panic, anxiety, and sense of urgency. Depending on their level of dependency and what their addiction is, certain addicts would do almost anything to find their next fix. Once they take that drink or drug, the addict feels a sense of calm and relief and temporarily all is good in their world; However, this calm and peaceful state doesn’t last too long and before they know it, they are desperate for that next high when the substance leaves their system.

If you are a survivor or still in a narcissistic relationship you probably know all too well the power of Trauma Bonding and the confusion that is caused by the cycle of love-bombing, idealization, devaluation and discard.  Many Narcissists like for us to be dependent on them either emotionally or financially so they can control, manipulate and abuse us. They are masters at creating this dependency without their victims understanding or knowing that is their goal.  The prince or princess charming act, sweeps us off our feet and that mask that they showed us during the love-bombing phase becomes the drug that we crave. 

I know that when my Narcissist would play push-pull games I would feel so confused, panicked, and anxious. I would rack my brain trying to figure out what was going on and how I could make it better. I was willing to do anything to make the relationship work and felt so dysregulated when he would suddenly disappear. This caused such disruption in my eating, sleeping and even my ability to go to work. I just didn’t feel like me!  Eventually he would come back, show me attention, give me just enough affection and I would feel that sense of relief, just like the addict does when he/she takes a hit. I would then feel hopeful that my wonderful romantic thoughtful most perfect partner (who never really existed) was back or at least on his way back…… but then the cycle would start all over again. Before I knew it, I was in another state of panic and urgency trying to get him to come back and make things better.

The more times that you go through this cycle and the more extreme differences you see from the love-bombing to the discard phase, the more you are going to feel confused, panicked, and  anxious, which is comparable to an addict looking for that fix.  Just like how your body can develop a dependency on a substance, you can also feel the same way about a person. Unfortunately, the way the central nervous system works and the chemicals that your body releases during the cycles of narcissistic abuse are the same in both instances. Cognitively, I knew that my relationship was unhealthy and that this was a self-destructive pattern but I was so deep into the Trauma Bond and so desperate for love and that “fix”, I kept engaging in behaviors that were bad for me again and again.

Also, similarly to some individuals struggling with addictions I was in denial. I focused and put too much weight on how I felt when I had my Narcissist and decided to ignore the chaos, pain, and problems he was causing in my life when he would disappear. My friends and family would try to intervene and tell me I needed to “quit” him but their words went in one ear and out the other. I wanted what I wanted and unfortunately that was a toxic relationship.  I just wasn’t able to think clearly because both my brain and central nervous system were offline!

Going No Contact, just like quitting a substance cold turkey, is hard work and sometimes depending on your circumstances, not realistic right away. But just like with drinking or drugs, where you need to quit and not use the substance anymore in order to kick the habit; you also need to distance yourself from people and things associated with your old “addict lifestyle”. Just like with addictions, there is so much temptation “to use” and many people relapse, just like us survivors can during the hoovering process.

The good news is that addictions and narcissistic abuse recovery also have something important in common; these are two very treatable conditions. You do not have to stay stuck here. You can break free, get treatment, figure out the patterns and get healthy. Even if you relapse and fall off the “narcissistic survivor wagon”, you can start over and get back on. Remember to be kind to yourself if this happens.  Your central nervous system and other centers of your brain have been altered and impacted by toxic love but you can heal and become healthy……. And you will!

Sending you lots of love

Jenny Tamasi, Survivor and Author of The Psychologist & Her Narcissists A Guide to Surviving Toxic Relationships

When The Narcissistic Psychopath Thinks They Are Just A Narcissist

This is something that I needed to address as I get a few Narcissistic Psychopaths in the Comments section of my YouTube videos, leaving comments like these:

You can pick up on their pride and superiority complex, which Narcissists have as well. But the Narcissistic Psychopath who thinks they are just Narcissists do not realise that simple Narcissists are more fearful, terrified of being put to shame and avoid being associated with anything negative. And instead of thinking that they maybe wrong, they instead think I am wrong and that I do not understand Narcissists.

As I have explained previously; Narcissists and Psychopaths have a lot in common and it’s a proven fact that many Psychopaths are Narcissistic.  Narcissism is a common trait for nearly all if not all personality disorders.  But it is clear that many Narcissistic Psychopaths do not realise that they are Psychopaths instead of the run of the mill Narcissists. 

They identify themselves in a lot of the Narcissistic traits and happily own up to it but just by doing that they have set themselves apart from Narcissists who do not own up to these negative qualities as they would be rather ashamed them. Whereas the Narcissistic Psychopath is well aware and unashamed of who they are and what they are capable of.

The problem is that there is a lot of talk about Narcissists, but no clear statement being made that all the Cluster b’s, Psychopaths and Sociopaths are all Narcissistic to the core. So, as a result we end up with Psychopaths and Sociopaths claiming to be just Narcissistic when it is so much more than that.

The problem of Narcissists and Narcissism is out of control and they are all coming out of the wood-work. Whether they are just Narcissists or Narcissistic Psychopaths they both pose a threat to our well-being.

If you want to know more about the Narcissistic Psychopath and the similarities they share with Narcissists please read my previous post HERE. Knowing the difference will help people to understand better what they are dealing with and the Narcissistic Psychopath to realise they are not just Narcissists.

Radical Acceptance and Narcissists

Today’s post is written by Jenny Tamasi, who is a registered psychologist and author of, The Psychologist & Her Narcissists: A Guide To Surviving Toxic Relationships.
BUY THE BOOK HERE

Radical Acceptance is a concept that emerged from Dialectical Behavior Therapy and it is a very useful skill to apply when dealing with current or past relationships with Narcissists. Radical Acceptance is a concept that can be applied to narcissistic coworkers, neighbors, friends, supervisors, family, or romantic partners. Radical Acceptance is a technique that you can use when you feel frustrated, betrayed, hurt, or let down by someone and you get stuck in that emotional state. This is a great skill to learn if you have a Narcissist in your life; which is very likely as they are everywhere! So, unfortunately, you probably have more than one to deal with.

You can voluntarily end some relationships, but some are tricky to leave, like your relationship with your mother, your grumpy neighbor, or your boss. If you are in a romantic relationship with a Narcissist, due to financial obligations, children, or cultural norms, you may decide to stay in that relationship. You always need to do what is right for you and what makes sense. No judgement here! Sometimes we have to interact with people who are not good for our emotional wellbeing and this can take a toll on our mental health. You often cannot control whom you will see and interact with, but you can always control how you think about and how you react to Narcissists.

When you radically accept something, you are accepting the facts and the reality of the situation, including all the positives and the negatives. Radical Acceptance is the opposite of living in denial. You also let go of control or judging what happened when you decide to practice Radical Acceptance. Also, when you practice Radical Acceptance, you do not try to fix or change the situation. Instead, you accept that “It is what it is” and you set realistic expectations.

Emotionally, when you radically accept something, you name and honor your feelings around the person or event. You are honest with yourself and you do not deny your feelings or the truth. You do not live in denial, make excuses, justify, rationalize or try to change your feelings, you just recognize and accept them.

Radical Acceptance is not justifying or condoning bad behavior and it does not mean that you let people walk all over you or take advantage of you. It also does not mean that you are ignoring bad behavior. It means that you are honest and realistic about what and who is in your environment and your role in these relationships.

When you practice Radical Acceptance, difficult people, situations, and memories have less power over you. You also feel disappointed less. When you radically accept something, you will decrease the amount you suffer and likely prevent yourself from continued cycles of hurt. As I state multiple times in my book, The Psychologist & Her Narcissists, A Guide to Surviving Toxic Relationships: Narcissists do not change and their behaviors tend to turn into patterns, and often very predictable patterns.

You do not need stay awake all night ruminating when your Narcissist ruins a party, lies, throws tantrums, or does not show up. You can acknowledge you are disappointed and that the behavior is wrong and then get your rest. Your job is not to cover things up, make excuses, or waste time trying to figure out why your Narcissist does awful things. Sometimes when we are in relationships with Narcissists we tend to look the other way or push feelings down to get through a situation. This is not Radical Acceptance! When you radically accept you are brutally honest with yourself and you take things and deal with them as they come.

Here is an example of how to apply Radical Acceptance:

Situation: My mother is such a drama queen and has a meltdown ever holiday. She screams and says the most hurtful things. I really wish I could skip Christmas, but I want to see my dad, sisters, and nieces and nephews. I get so mad and upset after the holidays that I do not sleep well for weeks and all I can think about is my mother’s bad behavior and how to get her to stop acting like a toddler.

Radically Accepting the Situation: My mother will probably scream and say hurtful things at Christmas and this makes me feel angry and sad. This behavior is inappropriate and I am comfortable saying that my mother does not control her emotions well and it has nothing to do with me. I am not responsible for making that situation better. I am going to go and focus on enjoying Christmas with the other members of my family. I am going to focus on my values of being kind and loving to others. I am going to engage with my mother as little as possible when she is screaming because I do not want to interact with her when she is acting like that.

Best of luck practicing Radical Acceptance and much love.


Jenny Tamasi, Survivor and Author of: The Psychologist & Her Narcissists, A Guide to Surviving Toxic Relationships








Narcissists and Envy

Envy is usually described as a feeling of discontent, which arises as a result of wanting or desiring something that belongs to someone else. Envy can be a fleeting emotion that arises and quickly dissipates.

But Envy or being envious can also become a state of being. Where it becomes a natural disposition or character trait. When this happens Envy is more than a fleeting emotion, as it is now a part of who you are.

The Narcissist is only a host for a negative entity, that helps to make them the perfect embodiment of the 7 deadly sins. The 7 deadly sins are Pride, Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath and Envy. Today I want to only focus on Envy as I believe this personality trait is responsible for a lot of the woes or heartaches experienced by the Narcissist.

Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels.com

Narcissists are filled with Envy. It is one of the most powerful and deadliest emotions that consume and influence their thoughs and actions. Envy keeps Narcissists unsatisfied, angry, hateful and overly competitive.

Narcissists Envy any and everyone. They live in a continual state of discontent no matter how much success they have in their lives, how much money they make or who they have in their lives. Envy keeps the Narcissist unsatisfied and unhappy with their life. Nothing and no one is ever enough for the Narcissist.

Envy makes the Narcissist see everyone as competition. Therefore, the Narcissist cannot be a true friend, partner, lover or carer as their aim will be to always to do better than the other person, no matter what it takes. Narcissists only need people so that they can use and abuse them to help them fulfil their selfish desires. When it is all said and done, the Narcissist will only do whatever benefits them. They give no thought or consideration to others.

“Loving A Narcissist Will Not Change A Narcissist”

by clarice

Narcissists Envy people who are able to have loving, empathetic relationships. They themselves cannot love or be satisfied with the love they receive. Therefore, loving a Narcissist will not change a Narcissist and that is why they are infamous cheaters. They always think someone else will fill that deep, dark hole that they try tirelessly to fill. Also, things such as success, drugs, alcohol, sex, money and power, all act as bandaids that bring the Narcissist a bit of relief and a pinch of comfort. But it does not last long and they become slaves to these vices which become uncontrollable addictions.

Envy can be a nasty and destructive emotion when it gets out of control. The people who are envied may suffer, but the people who incapsulate all that negative energy constantly, are the ones who suffer the most and will never be happy. Narcissists are such people and they are set on a path that will lead to their own destruction.

Surviving the Discard

Today’s post is written by Jenny Tamasi, who is a registered psychologist and author of, The Psychologist & Her Narcissists: A Guide To Surviving Toxic Relationships.
Buy The Book Here

The discard phase is very challenging for survivors. Due to cognitive dissonance created by the love bombing and the good days contrasted with the evil hurtful side of your ex-partner, you are left so confused, hurt, and in so much pain. It is not uncommon during the discard to be willing to do anything to get the loving version of your ex back and to try to play detective to make sense of what the heck just happened. I know I felt like I was losing my mind during the discard and like I didn’t know who I was. Remember that the “loving version” of your ex was well, sadly a version and not the real person you were in a relationship with.  For me, accepting this was the hardest part, so I know it stings.

After my discard, I remember feeling so anxious and confused. I was so restless and felt like I was crawling out of my own skin. That is your nervous system talking to you girls and guys! Your brain and body are being flooded with chemicals and hormones due to the sudden abandonment, confusion and loss. In addition, I like to tell my clients that many of our emotions are adaptive.  Feeling anxious and angry are ways that your body is communicating to you that something is wrong. How could you not feel angry or anxious right now? Give yourself some grace!

Narcissistic abuse and discards can lead to complex trauma in some survivors. Trauma is always felt and stored in the body.  It doesn’t have to stay there, you can process it and feel better again.  Here are some tips to heal after the discard that were helpful for me. I wish you well on your recovery. Things will get better! Hang in there!

  • CHANGE THE TEMPERATURE– Literally, if you are ruminating and feeling very scared, anxious, or paranoid take a cold shower, do some deep breathing outside, or put a cold wash cloth on your neck or face. Taking a drive with the windows down is helpful too. This can help ground you and get you back in touch with the present moment
  • MOVE– Go for a 20-minute brisk walk, run, or just change your location at home. Sometimes just standing up and going to another room will help you to reset.
  • STRETCH– Watch a free online Yoga, Tai Chi, or Qi Gong video.  My favorite technique is to combine slow movement and holds with positive affirmations. I would do pigeon pose in Yoga and as I was deep in the stretch I would say affirmations like “I am worthy of love,” “I am smart,” “I am healing,” “I am beautiful.”
  • USE TOUCH TO SELF-SOOTHE– Identify where you feel your anxiety or sadness and gently place your hands on that part of your body. Imagine your own energy from your hands healing the pain in that location. As your hands are placed on your skin gently, tell yourself, “I am going to heal and I will be okay, this will pass.” Repeat as needed!
  • TAKE A SOCIAL MEDIA & TECHNOLOGY BREAK-  Put your phone in another room or in your car. Sometimes it is too tempting to check your phone and that creates more anxiety. If you haven’t done this, delete or block your ex and everyone who is associated with him from your phone or social media.  Going no contact is painful and challenging at first, but it gets easier and will help you to heal. Make a list of all the bad things your ex did or said to you. Read that when you want to contact them, it will help!
  • DECLUTTER– Get rid of the pictures, presents, and all things in your house that remind you of your ex. If this is too hard, put it all in a box and tape it shut and put it somewhere hard to reach.
  • BE MINDFUL– Try to take a five minute break when things get tough and ask yourself, “What do I see right now?” “What do I hear?”  “What can I smell?” This helps you stay present. Maybe even write your mindful observations down in a journal.
  • WRITE– Each day try to write down five things that make you feel grateful. Include small things like the new tea you bought that you had with breakfast, your warm bed, the sunny sky, your sister’s phone call, you got to work on time.  It is healing to look back on a week or two of these lists to remind yourself that even during all this chaos, you still have good things in your life. Also, try jotting down your feelings as they come, just recognizing them helps and remind yourself that they will pass.
  • IDENTIFY WHAT IS HAPPENING ON THE INSIDE– Do not judge your feelings during this time. Recognize that your body is reacting to a very traumatic event. When you are flooded with emotions, try to recognize what triggered you. Tell yourself, “I am triggered; my anxiety and sadness will pass.”  Learn about the neurobiological response to trauma.  If people tell you to, “Just snap out of it,” or to “Move on, he/she was a jerk,” they do not get it! Realize that your body is going through some adjustments. You may feel up and down emotionally for a while, that just means your nervous system is trying to reset.
  • IDENTIFY 3 PEOPLE TO BE YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM. These people are your on call break up buddies that will let you stay over, come over to your place, or chat with you anytime that you need. Make sure they are willing and have the time to play this role. Try to get moving with them too, maybe you talk while going for walks, drives, or exercising together.
  • MAKE SURE YOU ARE EATING AND SLEEPING WELL– If this is a struggle, journal how many hours you are sleeping each  night and what you eat each day to help yourself keep track.
  • LOOK INTO TRAUMA FOCUSED THERAPISTS & HEALING TOOLS–  Not all therapists get how to treat trauma or narcissistic abuse. Connecting with and trusting your therapist is super important.
  • TRY TO USE YOUR BRAIN– Do crossword puzzles, play video games, memorize a list of words in another language, or read. This helps with the rumination and gets you thinking about other things you enjoy or want to learn.
  • BE KIND TO YOURSELF– This is a great time to get that massage, eat the ice-cream, take a bubble bath, or do something nice for you. You have just been through a lot. This was not your fault; a disordered person unfairly hurt and took advantage of you. All of those pits in your stomach, tense necks, tight chests, and stiff hips are signs from your body that you need to care for yourself and be compassionate during your recovery. Take time for you.

Much Love,

Jenny Tamasi,  Survivor and Author of

The Psychologist & Her Narcissists, A Guide to Surviving Toxic Relationships

Why Are Narcissists Usually Low In Energy

After living with Narcissists I have realised the extreme effort it takes for the them to maintain their false image and personas. I’ve seen the effort it takes to just go to a corner shop and back. The exhaustion from putting on a positive font etc, only to be left incapable of carrying out at-home chores or tasks.

I personally, thought that they were just lazy as they seem to only find energy for the things they want to do or be seen doing.

There is more! It is not that simple! Narcissists are dark, bitter, negative and void of any Light. As a result they are constantly on a lower vibration or energy frequency than most people as they are constantly wallowing in negative emotions.

Also, the demonic, energy zapping entity that is inside of them keeps them in a state of never-ending darkness and paranoia. These entities are parasitic by nature and feed off the negative energies that they influence the Narcissist to generate and the hurt they inflict on others

Being in this low vibrational state sucks the Narcissist of their physical energies that they need to perform everyday tasks. Basically, it is exhausting being a Narcissist as their minds are constantly in turmoil trying to out-think and manipulate others but also they are paranoid and fearful. Furthermore, hosting a low level parasitic entity contributes heavily to them having low physical energies. Everyhting has a knock on effect. The low vibration entity keeps the Narcissist in a negative state of mind, which lowers the Narcissist’s vibration, which then affects the Narcissist’s energy levels.

So, this explains why Narcissists can muster enough energy to pursue their closest and dearest interests or hobbies but then they are not able to do more. Narcissists are still selfish, self-absorbed creatures but also, the fact is, that they just don’t have it to give. They are easily mentally and pysically exhausted.

The amount of energy Narcissists put into destroying people only strengthens the dark force within them. The Narcissist themselves are left feeling broken and battered after each encounter. So, even though they experience a temporal high and burst of energy during such altercations, the aftermath is a much different story.

But to conclude Narcissists have low vibrations, due to the negative entity and negative emotions that they harbour, which leads to them having low physical energy.

Existing at this Low Level of Vibration can lead to physical and mental ailments. As I always say, the Narcissist’s Karma is In-Built. They are their own worst enemy!

How Narcissists View Relationships

Having relationships are a vital part of the human experience. Relationships can be diverse and complicated, but one thing that is certain is that relationships with Narcissists are toxic and dangerous.

Narcissists love having relationships because they need people. They need people to shower them with love and affection. But, they also need people to manipulate, hurt and abuse. So, forming and having relationships is essential to Narcissists.

Their fake image will be of no value, if there was no one around to compliment or praise them for it. Narcissists need that Narcissistic Supply to fuel their ego and keep their false reality alive. While healthy people see relationships as an opportunity to get to know others and create positive bonds; Narcissists view relationships very differently.

Narcissists form relationship for selfish reasons. It is always about what they can get from this person or what this other person can do for them. Narcissists are not interested in having honest relationships as all their relationships are built on lies. They deceive about who they are and what they are about. They never reveal their true intentions as others will just run the other way.

Narcissists present an image or personality that people can fall in love with, trust and believe in. This blinds us from seeing the Narcissist for who they truly are; so that when they lie and manipulate us, we don’t see it for what it is. The deception is strong and the deception is real but this is what they need to get access to our lives, our empathy and our emotions.

Above all, the real reason Narcissists need people in their lives is so that they can manipulate, hurt and abuse them. Making people suffer makes the Narcissist happy. Every tear you cry because of them, every frown you make, makes them feel better inside. When the Narcissist hurts someone that feeds the darkness within them. That happiness they feel is not their own but that of the entity, who relishes every fight and every arguement that the Narcissist gets involved in. The sight of misery, pain and conflict is what it delights in.

We need to remember that the Narcissist is only a host for an even more sinister being; who seeks to steal, kill and destroy everything in its path. The Narcissist is only fulfilling the darkest desires of this entity. There is no room for empathy, no room for sympathy only a desire to inflict pain and without relationships many Narcissists will not have the opportunity to do this.

Getting into relationships with Narcissists is a trap. Nothing is ever as it seems and for many, it is usually a little too late when they finally realise what they have gotten themselves into.

Knowing how to spot Narcissists and keep them at a distance is the only way to avoid being entangled. Familiarity breeds contempt. Never allow a Narcissist to get too close as if you give them a foot they will go a mile. They have no respect for boundaries and have a huge sense of entitlement.

Relationships are necessary for Narcissists, as relationships allow them to be able to carry out their darkest desires; a lot of times in secret. Many abuse their families in secret, while publicly pretending to be the perfect parent and partner.

Blood relations are no different when dealing with Narcissists. So, whether it is a Narcissistic parent, sibling, aunt or cousin; Beware! All Narcissists are the same and their intention is to ruin to you. Protect your peace and sanity by avoiding these types of people at all cost.

All relationships with Narcissists should be avoided and if you were born into a Narcissistic family they need to be avoided as well.

Relationships take time, empathy, honest communication, forgiveness, acceptance and just hands on work. Narcissists are not worth the investment as they cannot give those things in return. They are also not interested in having healthy, loving relationships. Narcissists just want to take, take and take. Relationships for Narcissists are one-sided; where they are the winners and everyone else loses.