Narcissists and Envy

Envy is usually described as a feeling of discontent, which arises as a result of wanting or desiring something that belongs to someone else. Envy can be a fleeting emotion that arises and quickly dissipates.

But Envy or being envious can also become a state of being. Where it becomes a natural disposition or character trait. When this happens Envy is more than a fleeting emotion, as it is now a part of who you are.

The Narcissist is only a host for a negative entity, that helps to make them the perfect embodiment of the 7 deadly sins. The 7 deadly sins are Pride, Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath and Envy. Today I want to only focus on Envy as I believe this personality trait is responsible for a lot of the woes or heartaches experienced by the Narcissist.

Photo by Polina Zimmerman on

Narcissists are filled with Envy. It is one of the most powerful and deadliest emotions that consume and influence their thoughs and actions. Envy keeps Narcissists unsatisfied, angry, hateful and overly competitive.

Narcissists Envy any and everyone. They live in a continual state of discontent no matter how much success they have in their lives, how much money they make or who they have in their lives. Envy keeps the Narcissist unsatisfied and unhappy with their life. Nothing and no one is ever enough for the Narcissist.

Envy makes the Narcissist see everyone as competition. Therefore, the Narcissist cannot be a true friend, partner, lover or carer as their aim will be to always to do better than the other person, no matter what it takes. Narcissists only need people so that they can use and abuse them to help them fulfil their selfish desires. When it is all said and done, the Narcissist will only do whatever benefits them. They give no thought or consideration to others.

“Loving A Narcissist Will Not Change A Narcissist”

by clarice

Narcissists Envy people who are able to have loving, empathetic relationships. They themselves cannot love or be satisfied with the love they receive. Therefore, loving a Narcissist will not change a Narcissist and that is why they are infamous cheaters. They always think someone else will fill that deep, dark hole that they try tirelessly to fill. Also, things such as success, drugs, alcohol, sex, money and power, all act as bandaids that bring the Narcissist a bit of relief and a pinch of comfort. But it does not last long and they become slaves to these vices which become uncontrollable addictions.

Envy can be a nasty and destructive emotion when it gets out of control. The people who are envied may suffer, but the people who incapsulate all that negative energy constantly, are the ones who suffer the most and will never be happy. Narcissists are such people and they are set on a path that will lead to their own destruction.

Surviving the Discard

Today’s post is written by Jenny Tamasi, who is a registered psychologist and author of, The Psychologist & Her Narcissists: A Guide To Surviving Toxic Relationships.
Buy The Book Here

The discard phase is very challenging for survivors. Due to cognitive dissonance created by the love bombing and the good days contrasted with the evil hurtful side of your ex-partner, you are left so confused, hurt, and in so much pain. It is not uncommon during the discard to be willing to do anything to get the loving version of your ex back and to try to play detective to make sense of what the heck just happened. I know I felt like I was losing my mind during the discard and like I didn’t know who I was. Remember that the “loving version” of your ex was well, sadly a version and not the real person you were in a relationship with.  For me, accepting this was the hardest part, so I know it stings.

After my discard, I remember feeling so anxious and confused. I was so restless and felt like I was crawling out of my own skin. That is your nervous system talking to you girls and guys! Your brain and body are being flooded with chemicals and hormones due to the sudden abandonment, confusion and loss. In addition, I like to tell my clients that many of our emotions are adaptive.  Feeling anxious and angry are ways that your body is communicating to you that something is wrong. How could you not feel angry or anxious right now? Give yourself some grace!

Narcissistic abuse and discards can lead to complex trauma in some survivors. Trauma is always felt and stored in the body.  It doesn’t have to stay there, you can process it and feel better again.  Here are some tips to heal after the discard that were helpful for me. I wish you well on your recovery. Things will get better! Hang in there!

  • CHANGE THE TEMPERATURE– Literally, if you are ruminating and feeling very scared, anxious, or paranoid take a cold shower, do some deep breathing outside, or put a cold wash cloth on your neck or face. Taking a drive with the windows down is helpful too. This can help ground you and get you back in touch with the present moment
  • MOVE– Go for a 20-minute brisk walk, run, or just change your location at home. Sometimes just standing up and going to another room will help you to reset.
  • STRETCH– Watch a free online Yoga, Tai Chi, or Qi Gong video.  My favorite technique is to combine slow movement and holds with positive affirmations. I would do pigeon pose in Yoga and as I was deep in the stretch I would say affirmations like “I am worthy of love,” “I am smart,” “I am healing,” “I am beautiful.”
  • USE TOUCH TO SELF-SOOTHE– Identify where you feel your anxiety or sadness and gently place your hands on that part of your body. Imagine your own energy from your hands healing the pain in that location. As your hands are placed on your skin gently, tell yourself, “I am going to heal and I will be okay, this will pass.” Repeat as needed!
  • TAKE A SOCIAL MEDIA & TECHNOLOGY BREAK-  Put your phone in another room or in your car. Sometimes it is too tempting to check your phone and that creates more anxiety. If you haven’t done this, delete or block your ex and everyone who is associated with him from your phone or social media.  Going no contact is painful and challenging at first, but it gets easier and will help you to heal. Make a list of all the bad things your ex did or said to you. Read that when you want to contact them, it will help!
  • DECLUTTER– Get rid of the pictures, presents, and all things in your house that remind you of your ex. If this is too hard, put it all in a box and tape it shut and put it somewhere hard to reach.
  • BE MINDFUL– Try to take a five minute break when things get tough and ask yourself, “What do I see right now?” “What do I hear?”  “What can I smell?” This helps you stay present. Maybe even write your mindful observations down in a journal.
  • WRITE– Each day try to write down five things that make you feel grateful. Include small things like the new tea you bought that you had with breakfast, your warm bed, the sunny sky, your sister’s phone call, you got to work on time.  It is healing to look back on a week or two of these lists to remind yourself that even during all this chaos, you still have good things in your life. Also, try jotting down your feelings as they come, just recognizing them helps and remind yourself that they will pass.
  • IDENTIFY WHAT IS HAPPENING ON THE INSIDE– Do not judge your feelings during this time. Recognize that your body is reacting to a very traumatic event. When you are flooded with emotions, try to recognize what triggered you. Tell yourself, “I am triggered; my anxiety and sadness will pass.”  Learn about the neurobiological response to trauma.  If people tell you to, “Just snap out of it,” or to “Move on, he/she was a jerk,” they do not get it! Realize that your body is going through some adjustments. You may feel up and down emotionally for a while, that just means your nervous system is trying to reset.
  • IDENTIFY 3 PEOPLE TO BE YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM. These people are your on call break up buddies that will let you stay over, come over to your place, or chat with you anytime that you need. Make sure they are willing and have the time to play this role. Try to get moving with them too, maybe you talk while going for walks, drives, or exercising together.
  • MAKE SURE YOU ARE EATING AND SLEEPING WELL– If this is a struggle, journal how many hours you are sleeping each  night and what you eat each day to help yourself keep track.
  • LOOK INTO TRAUMA FOCUSED THERAPISTS & HEALING TOOLS–  Not all therapists get how to treat trauma or narcissistic abuse. Connecting with and trusting your therapist is super important.
  • TRY TO USE YOUR BRAIN– Do crossword puzzles, play video games, memorize a list of words in another language, or read. This helps with the rumination and gets you thinking about other things you enjoy or want to learn.
  • BE KIND TO YOURSELF– This is a great time to get that massage, eat the ice-cream, take a bubble bath, or do something nice for you. You have just been through a lot. This was not your fault; a disordered person unfairly hurt and took advantage of you. All of those pits in your stomach, tense necks, tight chests, and stiff hips are signs from your body that you need to care for yourself and be compassionate during your recovery. Take time for you.

Much Love,

Jenny Tamasi,  Survivor and Author of

The Psychologist & Her Narcissists, A Guide to Surviving Toxic Relationships

Why Are Narcissists Usually Low In Energy

After living with Narcissists I have realised the extreme effort it takes for the them to maintain their false image and personas. I’ve seen the effort it takes to just go to a corner shop and back. The exhaustion from putting on a positive font etc, only to be left incapable of carrying out at-home chores or tasks.

I personally, thought that they were just lazy as they seem to only find energy for the things they want to do or be seen doing.

There is more! It is not that simple! Narcissists are dark, bitter, negative and void of any Light. As a result they are constantly on a lower vibration or energy frequency than most people as they are constantly wallowing in negative emotions.

Also, the demonic, energy zapping entity that is inside of them keeps them in a state of never-ending darkness and paranoia. These entities are parasitic by nature and feed off the negative energies that they influence the Narcissist to generate and the hurt they inflict on others

Being in this low vibrational state sucks the Narcissist of their physical energies that they need to perform everyday tasks. Basically, it is exhausting being a Narcissist as their minds are constantly in turmoil trying to out-think and manipulate others but also they are paranoid and fearful. Furthermore, hosting a low level parasitic entity contributes heavily to them having low physical energies. Everyhting has a knock on effect. The low vibration entity keeps the Narcissist in a negative state of mind, which lowers the Narcissist’s vibration, which then affects the Narcissist’s energy levels.

So, this explains why Narcissists can muster enough energy to pursue their closest and dearest interests or hobbies but then they are not able to do more. Narcissists are still selfish, self-absorbed creatures but also, the fact is, that they just don’t have it to give. They are easily mentally and pysically exhausted.

The amount of energy Narcissists put into destroying people only strengthens the dark force within them. The Narcissist themselves are left feeling broken and battered after each encounter. So, even though they experience a temporal high and burst of energy during such altercations, the aftermath is a much different story.

But to conclude Narcissists have low vibrations, due to the negative entity and negative emotions that they harbour, which leads to them having low physical energy.

Existing at this Low Level of Vibration can lead to physical and mental ailments. As I always say, the Narcissist’s Karma is In-Built. They are their own worst enemy!

How Narcissists View Relationships

Having relationships are a vital part of the human experience. Relationships can be diverse and complicated, but one thing that is certain is that relationships with Narcissists are toxic and dangerous.

Narcissists love having relationships because they need people. They need people to shower them with love and affection. But, they also need people to manipulate, hurt and abuse. So, forming and having relationships is essential to Narcissists.

Their fake image will be of no value, if there was no one around to compliment or praise them for it. Narcissists need that Narcissistic Supply to fuel their ego and keep their false reality alive. While healthy people see relationships as an opportunity to get to know others and create positive bonds; Narcissists view relationships very differently.

Narcissists form relationship for selfish reasons. It is always about what they can get from this person or what this other person can do for them. Narcissists are not interested in having honest relationships as all their relationships are built on lies. They deceive about who they are and what they are about. They never reveal their true intentions as others will just run the other way.

Narcissists present an image or personality that people can fall in love with, trust and believe in. This blinds us from seeing the Narcissist for who they truly are; so that when they lie and manipulate us, we don’t see it for what it is. The deception is strong and the deception is real but this is what they need to get access to our lives, our empathy and our emotions.

Above all, the real reason Narcissists need people in their lives is so that they can manipulate, hurt and abuse them. Making people suffer makes the Narcissist happy. Every tear you cry because of them, every frown you make, makes them feel better inside. When the Narcissist hurts someone that feeds the darkness within them. That happiness they feel is not their own but that of the entity, who relishes every fight and every arguement that the Narcissist gets involved in. The sight of misery, pain and conflict is what it delights in.

We need to remember that the Narcissist is only a host for an even more sinister being; who seeks to steal, kill and destroy everything in its path. The Narcissist is only fulfilling the darkest desires of this entity. There is no room for empathy, no room for sympathy only a desire to inflict pain and without relationships many Narcissists will not have the opportunity to do this.

Getting into relationships with Narcissists is a trap. Nothing is ever as it seems and for many, it is usually a little too late when they finally realise what they have gotten themselves into.

Knowing how to spot Narcissists and keep them at a distance is the only way to avoid being entangled. Familiarity breeds contempt. Never allow a Narcissist to get too close as if you give them a foot they will go a mile. They have no respect for boundaries and have a huge sense of entitlement.

Relationships are necessary for Narcissists, as relationships allow them to be able to carry out their darkest desires; a lot of times in secret. Many abuse their families in secret, while publicly pretending to be the perfect parent and partner.

Blood relations are no different when dealing with Narcissists. So, whether it is a Narcissistic parent, sibling, aunt or cousin; Beware! All Narcissists are the same and their intention is to ruin to you. Protect your peace and sanity by avoiding these types of people at all cost.

All relationships with Narcissists should be avoided and if you were born into a Narcissistic family they need to be avoided as well.

Relationships take time, empathy, honest communication, forgiveness, acceptance and just hands on work. Narcissists are not worth the investment as they cannot give those things in return. They are also not interested in having healthy, loving relationships. Narcissists just want to take, take and take. Relationships for Narcissists are one-sided; where they are the winners and everyone else loses.

The Narcissistic Psychopath

Narcissists and Psychopaths have a lot in common and that is why I say; “All Psychopaths are Narcissists but not all Narcissists are Psychopaths.”

What about Sociopaths? Sociopaths are the result of early childhood abuse. Their anti-social behaviours are prevalent throughout their life and is clear for all to see. Sociopaths experience some guilt and empathy and are vulnerable to stress, anxiety and shame. They are also more reckless but can form attachments with one or more persons. Sociopaths expose themselves in their irresponsible, brazen, aggressive behaviours. They lie and deceive but are not as manipulative as Narcissists and Psychopaths.

Whereas, Narcissists and Psychopaths are usually polite, charming and respected people in their communities. They are more careful to hide their lack of empathy and true dark intentions. Unlike Sociopaths they do not lash out and show their aggressive nature to any and everyone. Narcissists and Psychopaths operate in the shadows. They wear a mask that helps them to fit into society quite well. They manipulate people and events to get the desired outcomes that they want

The main difference between a Narcissist and a Psychopath is that the Narcissist is driven by fear and harbour a lot of negative emotions like envy, hate and disgust whereas the Psychopath experiences very little, if any, sort of emotions at all. Psychopaths have no fear and they do not hate themselves or others. They are just indifferent to everything and everyone. And although they can get angry, frustrated, jolly etc. it is very shortlived.

A Psychopath is a Narcissist who has nothing to lose. Narcissists care about their image and reputation. They live in fear of being exposed and brought to shame whereas the Psychopath isn’t phased by any of that.

The Narcissistic Psychopath is therefore the most dangerous of all. But, they do find it convenient to stay under the radar, so will present as a normal person in many situations. They can be directors of companies, they can be pastors, world leaders and even doctors, therapists and counsellors. Psychopaths, like many Narcissists, have a thirst for knowledge so are likely to always be looking to develop themselves in some area of their life. But Psychopaths are not dependent on other people for supply or companionship and could happily be lone rangers.

The Narcissistic Psychopath has no empathy, no fear, no morals; but at the same time can be so charming, presentable and intelligent. But you can be sure that they have their secret ways to feed their dark desires; so are sure to have a closet full of skeletons.

With regards to the spiritual aspect; the dark entity that influences and manipulates the Narcissists thoughts and emotions is much more in control in Psychopaths. The entity and the Psychopath are one in the same. These dark spiritual beings are able to live to their fullest through Psychopaths who are numb to human emotions.

Narcissists can get worse. The dark forces already at work can get an even stronger hold. Narcissists can become Psychopaths; and that is why I believe that as evil as Narcissists are there are situations that can make them even worse; such as being abandoned or ghosted.

There are people who believe that Narcissists are Psychopaths and in a way that is true as Pyschopaths are Narcissists but I hope I have made it clear that there is a difference and that all Narcissists are not Psychopaths.

Flying Monkeys And The Smear Campaign

The Smear Campaign has been on my mind a lot lately, because I recently found out from my mother, that my Narcissistic brother has now joined forces with the Narcissist who started a Smear Campaign against me over three years ago. In the last conversation he had with her, he expressed his hatred towards me and that he was happy to go against me, as he never liked a bone in my body. This, of course, was difficult for my mother to hear and she hanged up the phone on him. I on the other hand, was not surprised, as I know that the hate that the Narcissist has towards someone never really goes away. They would smile with you and act nice but their heart is against you and they are just secretly waiting to destroy you.

Narcissists will slander anyone; that is just normal everyday gossip for them. But a Smear Campaign takes a bit more work because the Narcissist doesn’t just want to gossip about you they want to turn people against you. They want you to be labeled as the perpetrator and they the victim. They also recruit others to aid in their campaign and these recruits have been waiting in the wings for a while as the Narcissist’s Smear Campaign always begins on the down low, months even years advance.

Do you realise how evil and conniving someone has to be to do this; considering that what the Narcissist spreads are just a bunch of lies? But, a Narcissistic Injury is what is usually the start of the Narcisssit’s Smear Campaign and it could be for the smallest, most insignificant offence. But this is futher proof that Narcissists are just insecure, petty and full of hate to begin with.

The evil that resides in the Narcissist pushes them to seek revenge, relentlessly and in their minds the original offence is greater than what it initially was. Narcissists overthink the smallest matters and the demonic entity feeds their minds with lies and exaggerated memories, to justify their need for revenge.

Narcissists are demonically possessed and negative emotions are what these evil entities feed off of. Keeping the Narcissist filled with hate, anger, disgust and envy is the entity’s aim, as this is what helps it to grow and strengthen. Also, the Smear Campaign provides perfect fuel for this demonic entity and that is why Narcissists get progressively worse during the Smear Campaign, as you are not just dealinig with the host but the darkness that is driving them. If the victim goes No Contact, this can drive the Narcissist bonkers as they want to see that the Smear Campaign is affecting you. The Narcissist will become more desperate in their attempts to destroy you and their craziness and hatred will reveal itself.

The Smear Campagin exposes those who are for you and those who are against you. Do not take the opportunity forgranted to eliminate these people from your life as anyone who sides with the Narcissist is now your enemy and cannot be trusted. Smear Campaigns cans be hurtful and destructive but not just for the victims but the Narcissist as well, as Smear Campaigns make the Narcissist worse. They become darker and crazier because the demonic force is able to feed off of the negativity and gain an even stronger hold. The Smear Campaign will not end as the Narcissist never forgives. They are consumed with revenge and their is no going back.

The Dynamics Of A Narcissistic Household

Growing up in a narcissistic household with narcissistic parents can be very damaging for the children involved. If both parents are Narcissists then I can only imagine that, that house will be a house of horrors! Narcissists are dangerous to everyone around them and their children are no exception.

Narcissistic Parents usually want to give the illusion that they have a happy and perfect family life. The children learn from a very young age to wear a mask when they are in public and to always pretend that everything is fine, even when it’s not.

If one parent is a Narcissist then things may not be as bad as it could be but then it depends on whether it’s the mom who is a Narcissist or the dad that is a Narcissist.

Male Narcissists are usually emotionally detached from the children and don’t get involved too much with the affairs of raising the children. They just see them as accessories to make them look like a responsible, mature and loving father. But they do not care to do the work necessary to ensure that their children are emotionally stable and well rounded. Although they maybe physically present they are usually detached mentally and emotionally. They will abuse all in their household psychologically but will hand-pick one or two to abuse pyhsically.

Female Narcissists on the other hand seek to turn their households into a Cult and she is the cult leader. Complete control must be hers and everyone must hearken to her bidding. She decides who should relate well with whom and who should be treated as an outcast. She will turn the children against each other and against the other parent. She will show favoritism to one of her children and mold them to be exactly what she thinks they should be. Whatever happens in the home, stays in the home and no one should ever make mommy look bad. She would remind them of the sacrifices she makes to take care of them and that they owe her, their life. She expects to be praised and complimented, If she is unhappy everyone will be unhappy. She rules her house with an iron fist and her children are her subjects and she will use them and abuse them as she sees fit. The thinking of the Female Narcissist is that she brought them into this world and she can take them out if she wants to.

Narcissists are selfish, evil and depraved. Having children does not improve or change their view of life and people. Everyone is a tool, everyone is prey to the Narcissist. Living and growing up with a Narcissist can leave many people damaged and insecure for life. But there are others who get away and flourish into the beautiful human beings they were meant to be. But the important thing is to get away. Escape the madness and the cruelty of the Narcissistic parent otherwise you will never be happy. Breaking free also includes getting rid of those spiritual and emotional ties that we have, so as not to continue this generational curse of toxicity.

The actions and words of a parent live on within their children and unfortunatley when it comes to Narcissistic parents many times they end up raising Narcissistic chilren. Thankfully, some are born immune to the toxicity and rise above it, while others choose to leave the toxic path paved out for them.

I grew up with a Narcissistic dad which wasn’t too bad but I have also seen the destruction the Female Narcissist can cause. I think it has to do with the expectation of the mother, to be the carer and the nurturer. But also, after carrying the child for months inside of her, a strong bond is created which can easily be turned into a Trauma Bond that then needs to be broken.

Ideally Narcissists should not be parents as they clearly are not cut out for it. But all we can do is keep learning how to deal with the cards we’ve been dealt.

Narcissists Are Illusionists

Narcissists are the great pretenders and massive deceivers. Many are able to convince people that they are fantastic and that they live a fanstastic life but, that is far from the truth. Narcissists are miserable, moody and depressed individuals who hide behind possessions, fake smiles and positions. They are the illusionists and everything that they present to the masses with regards to being happy and successful is only an illusion.

An Illusion is a deceptive appearance or impression and an Illusionist is someone who produces the illusion.

Narcissists do not only have a fake image but they create a false reality around themselves. They also are guilty of future faking; where they convince themself and those around them that there is a better and brighter future ahead with them. Narcissists are very imaginative, and they are very persuasive. So, it is easy for them to mislead people into believing in their false, idealistic reality.

Narcissists are also very good actors and are master manipulators. Deceiving people is a major part of the game that they play. In order for a Narcissist to be comfortable in their environment it is important that they gain the trust of those around them. So, they create the illusion of being kind, considerate, caring, professional, trustworthy and whatever else is needed. If they are able to get people to trust them that is the first step before unleashing their true evil intent.

Just like the demon within the Narcissist deceives and manipulates their host (the narcissist), the Narcissist, also deceives and manipulates those around them. The demonic entity at first deceives the Narcissist into thinking that nothing is wrong with them but the issue is everyone else and that every thought that enters their mind is their own and then the trouble begins. The Narcissist accepts blame for nothing and projects all their negative traits unto other people. They are then driven by thoughts of paranoia and fear that keeps them defensive and convinced that everyone is against them.

The illusion of madness that the demon has created for the Narcissist, stops the Narcissist from looking inward to realise that the problem is within. And the illusion of perfection that the Narcissist creates for themselves stops people from seeing the true evil that the Narcissist is capable of.

It’s all a game of illusions, smoke and mirrors, slights of the hand, misleading expressions but above all a demonic influence that hides in the shadows of the mind of the Narcissist.

The Depraved Narcissist

Narcissists have no moral values! Inspite of the squeaky, clean image they present or how innocent they behave, do not be fooled. You cannot put anything past a Narcissist. So, even though they may tick all the boxes of a good and loyal citizen you can be sure they have some hidden dark obsession or down right perversion that they hide.

Narcissists hate everyone and their aim is to defile as many people as possible, especially those closest them.

Narcissists are prone to be sexually immoral; avid cheaters and adulterers, as they are only loyal to themselves and their own wants and desires.

The dark entity that the Narcissist hosts wants to destroy them as much as everyone else. As a result Narcissists are likely to be addicts; addicted to something that either destroys their body or their mind. Being involved with a Narcissist changes us. If we are not careful they can seduce or persuade us into doing things that we had vowed never to do. This is why you have to be careful what you tell a Narcissist, otherwise they will try and find a way to make you eat your words, which will fill them with immense gratification.

The Narcissist enjoys persuading others to do things against their will. They feel powerful knowing that they can get someone to do something they would not usually do. Giving your time and life to a Narcissist is one of the worst mistakes anyone can make because Narcissists do not value anyone, they just want to destroy as many people as they can. It is usually a slow mental destruction, which goes on to break us down physically and spiritually.

Narcissists should be avoided like a plague, wherever possible. Their fake personalities and endless lies are not worth entertaining. The Narcissist only aim is to destroy others. They want to break us mentally, physically and spiritually. Narcissists do not know what love is they only know how to control.

Narcissists are dirty, depraved and dark. They seek out innocent victims and lure them into a trap where they can isolate, control and abuse them. They seek to destroy and make us doubt our mental capabilities by making us feel as though we are the crazy ones and the cause of all their problems. It takes a sick, twisted and perverted mind to do this and think nothing of it.

No one is safe from a Narcissist because they will exploit anyone in their path and use and abuse them whichever way they can. The holier than thou, pretentious character that some of them play up to, is a far cry from who or what they really are.

Breaking The Narcissist’s Trauma Bond

Too many people are struggling with moving on from a Narcissist. They are literally bonded and can’t seem to break free. Some think it’s because of the great sex, or that the person was a ‘proper bombshell’. What really keeps them longing for the Narcissist?

First of all:

What does it mean, to bond with someone? According to the Collins Dictionary it is:

A strong feeling of friendship, love, or shared beliefs and experiences that unites them.

So we see, that a bond is usually something positive but when it’s a Trauma bond it’s basically being bonded with an abuser, where you feel connected to this person even though they hurt and abuse you. There is a perpetual cycle of abuse but something is preventing you from letting go of this person or moving on.

Why does the Trauma Bond happen with a Narcissist?

It all begins with the positive bonding…

The bonding with a narcissist happens during the love-bombing phase when they present you with an idealistic, almost perfect love life. You seem to share with the Narcissist similar traits and beliefs and it just seems perfect. It is an experience that is too good to be true and it is. It is in that time span, when the Narcissist gets you to fall in love with a person that doesn’t really exist. But, your idea of who the Narcissist is, is formed during this time. You become bonded with a fantasy character but you don’t know it. The bond is solidified when you have sexual relations with this Narcissist. Sex is a consumation not just of two physical bodies but of two spirits. You become one with the narcissist and a bit of their spiritual essence is spilt into you.

Time passes, the relationship changes. There is abuse, be it psychological, verbal or physical. There is also a toxic cycle of highs and lows, where there are days when the narcissist acts like they did during the love-bombing phase. But the darker times come, that quickly overshadow the good-times and the cycle continues.

This is where the problem lies:

The victim believes the person they fell in love with is real and once they keep believing that they vainly hope for change. They long for the good old days. They long for the person who swept them off their feet. Not wanting to let go, in fear that they would never experience the love like what they did with anyone else. Afterall, the narcissist made them feel like they were soulmates, that there bond was an eternal one.

Even if they are able to break away from the relationship and the Narcissist, unless they are able to come to terms with what really happend, it will be difficult to move on. Because part of them is still connected to the Narcissist. So, although they maybe physically removed from the situation, spiritually, there is still a connection that needs to be broken.

The Fight begins in the Mind.

Change begins in the mind. If you can get your mind right then your spirit will align itself.

There has to be some reflection and acceptance. Recognising that abuse is not love. Recognising that you were fooled into loving someone who doesn’t love you. Accepting that the Narcissist is a manipulator, a deceiver, an abuser and that the person they pretended to be, was just the bait to catch you. Also, realising that if it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else. These are thoughts that need to be straigtened out in your mind and then these thoughts will feed your spirit. Only then can you truly cleanse your mind, body and spirit and break the bond. Your spirit will then reject that bit of the Narcissist that contaminated your soul, and then you will be free.

No longer walking about in a trance with your eyes wide shut, but fully aware of the evil that you were once entangled with.

Breaking the Narcissist’s Trauma Bond is Possible!


Albert Einstein